Saturday Night Fever

In a word: busy. The past few weeks have been…BUSY. I want to call every one of you everyday but like I’ve said, I’ve been busy and when I remember I either allow myself to get distracted again or its 10pm like it is now and though I think most of you are up too, this is the time of night where I’m lucky if I can put a coherent thought together (and it’s a miracle I’m even typing ;)

Saturday started off fine. It had been a long week consisting of Tom working (5) 12 hour days and one 8 ½ day, me finding out the full-timer Portland Adidas chick had crossed over to the dark side (Nike) and thus a bunch of accounts were open for the taking. (side note: I don’t think I’ve mentioned before how I’ve been jobless since September due to major cut backs. I will say its VERY interesting that I was making MORE on unemployment than I was working but that’s b/c it was taking in account me working full time 18 months ago.) Anyway, I find out I have work again and I was getting nervous. Work makes me nervous. Merchandising sounds very glamorous but its more like EXTREMELY exhausting and physically straining, plus I had to figure out babysitting and that’s more stress; how will Ben do? Will his naps get off schedule? Am I going to be an even worse mom due to being extra stressed again? BUT I am happy this time around Ben doesn’t rely on mommy milk for food like he did a year ago and NEVER took a bottle..ahhh that was SO hard!

Okay, Saturday. It was 4:30pm. Ben and I were in Costco eating 2 sausage dogs without buns with onions and mustard and a little ketup (yep, BEN LOVES THEM). I was stressing because it was a grocery shopping day, it was our 3^rd place though spread out before and after a nap but nonetheless Ben had had enough and was a pain. He wouldn’t stay in the carts seat, I rarely can keep him in that thing, and he was using our groceries to stand on in attempt to climb out of the cart itself! I had him under one arm and holding my pop with the other and trying to throw away our garbage with…a 3^rd hand while keeping it away from Ben as he was trying to put his hand in the left over mustard AGAIN. While I was juggling all this a woman came up and asked if she could help (super nice) and all I could get out was, “I JUST NEED MY HUSBAND HOMES ON SATURDAYS!” I didn’t yell or anything just said it desperately. I was actually totally surprised I said it without crying! –I really think me not having my satan stick in my arm anymore is helping me!

Ben was tough on the way home too. We got home around 5:00pm. Tom wouldn’t be home for at least another hour and a half. Ben was very cranky but I didn’t put him down for a second nap because I knew he was extra cranky due to being in a car seat and grocery cart or in his crib for most of the day already. He just needed to run around the get the wiggles out and better yet ME play with him! But me being me, I started ironing. For the record I don’t like ironing, but its one of those acts of service thingies I do…bla bla bla. As I started to set up the iron and ironing board Ben was around my ankles crying, he wanted me to play and I didn’t. I was mad. I was SO mad and I was mad at Tom! Why? Because I was exhausted and tired and my wave had crashed and I needed help, I didn’t want to spend my day grocery shopping I wanted to do ANYTHING and just go somewhere without having to take 5 minutes to plan it out in between naps and snacks and whatevers. I was mad that Tom wasn’t there helping and that I hadn’t had any help with him the whole week as Tom is gone some days before Ben wakes up and gets home after he’s asleep and if he’s home it’s a few minutes in the morning with Ben and right before Ben goes down to sleep so ya I’m doing it by myself. I was glad Tom didn’t get home right then too because I think I would have exploded.

The next 2 hours felt like I heard every tick of the clock tock. When Tom called on his way home I immediately said, “I’m in a SUPER bad mood! I’m tired, Ben’s tired, he wants someone to play with him but I’ve been doing other crap that needs to get done and he won’t eat his food again, I don’t know what to do, I’m just done!” Tom answered back in his calm, reassuring voice: “Okay, I’m coming home as fast as I can.”

When he walked through the doors he came right over to me (after he picked up Ben who ran to him and hugged his legs, I mean how cute is that?) As he got closer to me I said, “No I’m in such bad mood I don’t even want you to touch me!” He still came closer and put his arms around me and said, “I’m here.” I started to unload.

“I just wanted to go out to dinner but now its too late and its Ben’s bedtime and he’s really tired. And I’m hungry and frustrated and I’m mad at you though its not like I’m REALLY mad at you. I don’t want to change places with you and work like a dog and go to school. I just want to get out and not be home like you do.” Tom replied, “I know… what can I do? What would you like for dinner?”

“I don’t know!” I barked back though I KNEW what I wanted.

“Do you want your Carl’s Jr’s burger you love?” (Gac bacon $6 burger in a wrap WITH halopinos added)

“NO”

“Do you want mozzarella sticks from Arby’s?”

“NO”

“Do you want Olive Garden’s salad?”

“NO” (yes)

“….”

“Well I do but Ben’s not going to tolerate a restaurant. Maybe carry out Apple Bee’s?” (like I needed to ask)

“You got it, do you want me to go get it or go together?”

“Together.”

We got in the car. It was dark and raining hard, my favorite. I didn’t say anything, just cried. Tom reached over and held my hand. After a few minutes I started talking and just unloading feeling better by the minute. I mentioned I wanted Pecan pie and he said, “you got it!”

When we got the apple bee’s carry out I dug in right away and then I really started feeling better, not knowing how hungry I really was. Tom drove to a pie shop but they were out of pecan so he drove over to Safeway and got one including my favorite kind of flavored water, diet dp and chocolate milk.

We got home and put Ben down. I sang him extra songs, feeling guilty for not playing with him and dragging him all over down the whole day- the whole time he was looking at me or planting his face in my shoulder and cooing along to the familiar songs with the occasional leaning in and kissing me.

When I had finished putting him down I came out to find an extra large slice of diabetes heaven aka Pecan Awesome Pie wanting for me! I cuddled up to my love and thanked him over and over again for the best date! It really was.

Really, it wasn’t the pie or the spinach dip or diet cherry dp he got me, it wasn’t even how sincerely quick he was about doing all of it that really touched me. What meant the most was my wave had crashed but I wasn’t the only one tired and frustrated and tapped out. I knew he was too. There are times my wave crashes at the same time Tom needs his cave time and I sacrifice my needing to be needy until he’s had his time out first- those times are SO hard! But more than not its him who waits taking his time out so he can take care of me. It sounds easy but I know it can’t be…please I know HOW needy and pathetic I get! Lol

After watching some The Office and Park & Recreation dvd style we went to bed. I heard Ben crying a bit but it was different then a typical tossing and turning crying so I went in to check it out. He was restless and upset and hot, VERY hot. He had never had a fever like this before, he had never been any sick before. The closest he’s ever gotten is when he gets shots, they make him ill for the rest of the day and that’s a about it. I gave him medicine to cut the fever but he was so upset and wouldn’t hold still, he just didn’t know what to do either =(

Tom gave him a blessing and he soon went back to sleep. He woke up several more times through out the night and by morning we were all wiped out and totally missed church. He’s still a little sick. I can tell he has a sore throat and his runny nose has begun producing the yellow/green last part of the cold nasty. He has eaten so little the past few days I have no idea how he hasn’t lost major weight!? Thank goodness he’s still been drinking milk/chocolate milk!

I’ve worked every day so far this week and I’ll work again Friday. I really will only work 4 days a month and I just scheduled everything in one week for convince (won’t do that again) I hurt everywhere!

POLITICAL MOMENT: I honestly want to section off America. Seriously. Civil-war it out. But it can’t be North/South…its been done. And it can’t be West Coast/East Coast, that’s gangish. So…maybe Northwest/Southeast?  I asked Tom if its okay I feel this way and he doesn’t think its good- we’re America, we’re united. But we’re not “united” I’m freaked out. Everything EVERRRRRYYYYYTTTTHHHHIIIIIIINNNNGGGG I’m so fiscally, morally, ethically, socially outraged about is only getting worse with the promise its going to keep getting worse! I don’t want a socialist government. So I want you people over there and we people over here! Have your government there and we’ll have ours or I should say LACK OF! I know it would only be a matter of minutes before people started digging under our walls to get in to our side and be freed from taxes and political bondage.