Wednesday, May 23, 2012

*insert Side-Show-Bob groan*

Anyone who loves The Simpson's is familiar with the unique groan Side-Show-Bob (voice of Kelsea Grammar) growls when he steps on a rake and whacks his face. Here let me just help (since many of you grew up in the sad shadows never knowing the sweet, sweet love that is The Simpson's)

Heads-up everyone this is a true Jessica SOAP BOX MOMENT!
Sooo it started once I got married, the roar that was my passion for romantic-comedies began to flicker, and even turn to cinder. Why? Because for 99.2% of them were/are complete cod-swallup. Truly, they are soooo forced, disturbing hour and a half films repeats of two themes:
The chick is in a lame relationship, goes away on a business trip AND/OR boyfriend/fiance does, she cheats, runs away and then the realizes she's in-love with #2 and #1 was a selfish %#!$@^$ who didn't pay her ENOUGH attention that she "deserved" thus "justifying" cheating, especially AS LONG as it's to realize you're in a relationship you didn't want AND consequently cheating with real "The ONE" (gag)
The chick is poor and Mr. Rich-pants woo's her BUT of course after 45 mins of her brow lashing Mr. Rich-Pants (and the audience) how he should feel guilty for being rich and she's SO great b/c she's "devoted" her life non-profit bla bla bla.... they end up getting it on, he choose to do a business transaction that's completely LEGAL but she's morally against, she runs, he fellows and apologizes and swears to give up the "EVIL" capitalist business and they end up together in the end. (bigger gag)

Why do these pathetic movies make me so mad? Easy. Because not a single one is LOVE. Yes, the films are categorized as "Romantic Comedies" and not "True Love" I get it however, this crap is branded, labeled and slapped in our faces as such and girls, young girls then believe its those kinds of themes and actions of the characters are realistic and more disturbing...ACCEPTED!

And YEEESSSsssss I do see the irony of my own "Love Story" beginnings, full of epic selfish cheating, and me running away only to be chased and woo'ed. LOL Gosh that feels like a long time ago. (Anyone interested who hasn't heard all the nasty details can call me, its a GREAT story). So why is MY story different? For a few reasons...but in short I'll say it's different b/c while were we apart (before we were officially dating, NOT exclusive before, and certainly not engaged or married) we both worked really hard on mending our individual self-defeating behaviors. It's by the sweet guidance of God beer cans half full of beer and molded with tobacco leaked all over the pad of my trunk that fateful hot, summers day THUS I needed a hose (and TONS of cleaner) to get it out and the person I called who I knew had a hose (no sexual pun intended) was Tom, to which we fell in love with each others BEST SELF! hehe

Okay, me being me has digressed terribly. I wasn't even planning to talk about all this! My point (taking in a new, deep breath) is of the crap I see on tv. The crap I see from just the one channel we get that isn't even on most of the time! Crap that is advertising junk. But here's the reason I'm soap-boxing makes me cringe that I see that crap entertainment being bragged about on FB from married women, married LDS women no less, excited to go watch a movie with a supposedly "hot guy in hollywood" who's a stripper and "TOTALLY going to see this movie of course husband won't come with me girls? Who's with me?!" It makes me want to barf. Why do I even care. Because behind my anger is sadness, to be honest.

Can you IMAGINE one of your friends' husbands, or heck YOUR husband getting ALL excited when a trailer for a movie with a "perfectly in-shape hot chick" is a stripper and that husband publicizing how he's "TOTALLY gonna go see it, and of course his wife or YOU won't be going with him so he needs a group of other ogling guys to go and get turned on with him??????? (okay that sounds wrong for more reasons than I meant) That husband would be in the darkest, coldest dog-house EVER not to mention the retaliation he'd receive from women EVERYWHERE.

Tonight the cherry was topped on this sore soap box issue of mine. I had the one channel on while cleaning up the house and it was the 8'oclock news, a reporter talking to a group of women, here in PDX, about some book trilogy of crap.... what was it called...something about gray? Shades of gray books? Whatever, I'm sure you reader ppl know what I'm talking about. Well the whole segment was how its considered erotica (S&M erotica which is even more disturbing) and how all these women are loving the books and justifying reading pornography because they have been married for x amount (no pun intended again) years and are bored and how the main nasty S&M "sexy man" character get all these women readers libidos working again THUS its okay and totally finnnneeee.

Again, if I were that women's husband and my wife were on the news proudly stating it takes a fictional S&M character to get HER off because she is BORED with the hubby at home- I would be MORTIFIED and SOOOO emasculated.

Needless, to say I was completely grossed-out yet again. So disappointed in the selfish, hypocritical and PATHETIC-ness of it all. But most of all and I really mean this, I feel SO sad for all those husbands. How are they suppose to react? If they stand-up and argue then they are "horrible men, taking away their wives right for fun entertainment, arousal, and even girls-night" to name a few. But of course, when men DO act like this, "they need intervention, its sick and perverted and totally humiliating for their wives and women everywhere." Oh feminists, how to went to far 40 yrs ago and have emasculated our men and turned women into gross, men-repressing creatures. I spit on thee.

Ok I think I'm done here.

PS- what movie/book do I think is a TRUE romantic, LOVE story well come on....the one that is my favorite, the one that my own Love story mirrored.....Pride & Prejudice ahhhh soooo good!