So two weeks ago I threw-out my back AHHHGEN! I had moved around some furniture the day before but nothing major at all. My back never NOT feels good, it almost always feels like I have to be careful. Kinda like... 60% of the time it hurts/sore 30% of the time it feels like its on the verge of going out again which can last hours of days and 10% of the time my back is out. "Out" is such a weird world. It's not a light bulb that can be replaced, unless anyone of you knows of a spin replacement surgeon? And its not "out" as in gay and proud. And its not "Out-back" where I immediately want steak now! I was told a several years ago I don't heal very well, how would I know any different, its what I've known. But within the last year its become very front and center in my realization just how poorly I am "healing".
I back went out two weeks ago, I'm walking but stiff, still hurting every moment of the day and night, I've gone back to taking tylenol and advil, etc just about everyday, still wearing my back brace every day, all day long and only for church do I take it off but most of the time I regret it and DEFINITELY regret wearing my heals too; dang you fashion! I AM very happy it didn't go out so bad I needed injections, in fact this was VERY mild comparatively, truly!
I saw a rheumatologist last week to rule out fibromyalgia which was was ruled out but not myofascial pain. Its all extremely overlapping in symptoms and even more difficult to fully diagnose and really I don't care WHAT it is (per se) I just know I was unimpressed with that appointment and think seeing a bone and nerve doctor OR finding a new chiropractor. More than anything I am 30 NOT 85. I AM a pusher and I DO do a ton of hard labor crap but not enough that I should be crippled up so often like I am.
Okay I'm done with my complaining! Now for MORE complaining! ;) LONG story short I went and got shoes at Macy's while my back was out but it was cold and dang it my feet were freezing. Ben took off and in a blink-LITERALLY I saw him and then didn't. I attempted to walk fast looking down isles and watching for peoples heads turning to see a kid and I was listening for running and Ben's laugh....nothing. It's hard to say how long it really was that I had ZERO idea where he was but every moment was scary. I think the only thing keeping me from bursting into tears was I knew I would find him and the chances of a predator RIGHT there waiting for him to run off to snatch him up was low (at least I was HOPING it was low!) After 45 seconds of looking and watching I saw him clear on the other side of Macy's -running and by the time I got to the spot there was no sign on him other than me asking ppl, did you see a little 2 yr old blonde boy running? Until I had a line up of women pointing in his direction. I finally caught up to him whilst in a hobbling trot...I must have looked horrible...and a grandma looking woman had to stop him for me. I wanted to spank his butt raw but I didn't. I held him tight and was so glad he was safe! Ben thought it was all funny as heck, I knew he wouldn't understand even if I did spank him so I didn't. I ended up holding him most of the rest of the time so he wouldn't run off as he resisted and I thought I was gonna cry just from the pain let alone from the frustration but I didn't. I ended up buying the first shoes that they had in my size AND the sad story is I had to take them back today because they fell apart almost immediately like I had ran a marathon in them or something, it was weird. BUTttt this time when I went back I had Ben in his brand new kid leash "harness" is how its marketed. I wish I could say it was easier...not really.
Ben learned immediately that he couldn't run away and when I yanked in the direction he didn't want to go he'd throw himself down and did just that on our way out banging his head/ear into the corner of the glass door. I thought for sure someone was going to see it wrong like I yanked him into the door and I'd be on the news as the next most wanted horrible mom! I took little Ben to the car and gave him a sucker trying to explain how he can't throw his head back because its ouchy and going to hurt and how I loved him and want him to be safe and stay with me like a big boy. I'm not sure how much sank in after the sucker was handed over but I can hope those days are numbered.
On a VERY VERY happy note! Ben has slept through the night 3 times in the last couple weeks! It's a MIRACLE!!! I've been giving him that "Calm Kids" stuff every night, I've been taking him to the park in the afternoon just about every day, and I've moved his bed time from 7:30 to 8:30pm so whether its one of these or all of these its made a huge difference. IF he wakes up with pain or thrashing its now short lived and usually only once instead of an average of 3+ times.
I've been forcing myself to take naps and I've felt a difference. Some days I let Ben fall asleep in our bed and then I'll go in after I've had a little zone-out time and sleep too or I do what I did today and snatch him from his bed and bring him into our bed so we can nap together =) It's one of my favorite times together. He'll sometimes grab my hand and want to hold it while he sleeps and/or cuddle up with his arm over me; I eat it up!!! And boy can he snore.