Friday, March 29, 2013

Busy Nothings

March has been intense. Several times a year certain special projects come up, three times a year extra special projects hit at the same time as the others and twice a year extra, extra special projects arise on top of all the others. It actually makes for interesting conference calls- when you hear your boss not holding back on how she feels about "certain companies" to all her 50+ employees lol.

Anyway- the result was a lot of driving. Medford (4.5 hours one-way) I drove to Eugene (100 miles away) and Salem twice each, not including my Portland stores. Ben threw up a total of 4 different times through these drives to and from Grandma's. It's not car sickness, its he hates his car seat and especially any drive longer than 15 minutes results in freak outs. What's a freak-out? Starts by becoming extremely disinterested in all his AWESOME toys, books, sippy cup, snacks in all varieties and diabetes-causing sugar amounts, screams for me to reach back and hold his hand or face until he's had enough of that and then screams to the point of vomiting, screams more and vomits, etc, etc, until there's ZERO way he has anything left to vomit. Then screams because he's smeared his vomit into his eyes; I hold his hand and face again (which is an a horribly uncomfortable position and makes my arm fall asleep immediately and then throbs but if I re-track it- all H starts over again. And then he falls asleep until I break at a light then he wakes up, remembers his surroundings and the screaming continues until we're home. Actually, sometimes he's so upset it takes a good 20 minutes to calm him down even then.

He must get it from the Clark side?? White's love car rides. Only Lacey ever had problems which were actual car sickness when she was young but there was no screaming from anyone...well unless we were fighting! ;)

I wish I could just accept the screaming and be fine but I cannot. To me its the same as putting my hand on a hot stove....just ignoring it will NOT help, every millisecond is torture on both of us. I want to put Ben in his forward facing car seat but Tom doesn't feel right about it- not until he's 2 yrs old and weighs more. I get grumpy like ummm you don't have to drive with him but I know in my gut I don't want to take the risk either. So for is what it is.

My hair- not an interesting topic but sure I'll talk about it. So long story short I did a bunch of reading and researchin' and came to the conclusion I needed to get some dandruff shampoo! I don't have actual dandruff but itchy, smelly scalp. I thought my scalp was totally normal and sure its "normal" for me but I'm done with it! I didn't realize until super recently I had a very itchy scalp- I thought it was my paranoia to the billionth power to head lice that made me itch and look in the mirror almost every single day at my scalp searching for nasties and noticing every single time ANYONE scratches their head in church, making me nervous until I realized wait I am scratching way more than they are!!! EEEKKK Also, I know I took better notice to how my scalp smells icky by the end of the day; smelling musky and oily, and how even deep cleansing shampoos and hot hot water won't even touch the problem. I guess the problem is bacteria that lives in the scalp and in the hair shaft and a dermatologists RX will really treat it so I looked into what the RX is and found I could try doing it myself with buying 2 different types of shampoos- One with sulfide and the other with an acid for whatever reason to have one bottle with both ingredients takes a RX...I was even a little nervous putting both shampoos on at the same time. Like, when this create a hydrogen bomb and I'll be dead before I know it? Or will it make my head burn off or my hair fall out? haha thus far it's worked like a charm- no itch, no smell (well dandruff shampoo is RANK- smells like rotten eggs so I shampoo with a regular, good-smelling stuff to get the nasty smell out). My hair feels SO clean and it stays clean way longer than ever!

Okay enough about hair. Spring break was this week, it meant Tom was HOME Monday and Wednesday evening. Monday we had FHE and Tom took us out for ice cream! Wednesday I wanted to go to the Temple but I THOUGHT I had a church meeting and was all uptight and agree about going to it only to get there, no one show up and then realize I got the MONTH wrong! WE COULD HAVE GONE TO THE TEMPLE! grrr As it was Tom and I just zoned out on the couch together after Ben went down. Ben LOVED seeing dad before bed time- that only happens Sundays.

Tom: had a birthday on the 20th! He got his apple tv he's been wanting forrrrrreverrrrrr. I told him we would get it AFTER we pay off my department of ed loans (sometime in September) and I was secretly going to get it for his birthday but he kept bringing it up and saying how he wanted it sooner so I was like- Okay fine! Ruin your surprise, I already talked to Laura (his co-worker) and I was gonna get it through her, now you've ruined your surprise and everything! okay I wasn't THAT upset. I like surprising him but hello I couldn't take it anymore. For the record, I don't get what the apple tv does. BUT I fully accept responsibility for it! When Tom asks if he can show me how ANY electronical thingy works I usually say, "Okay but only for 5 minutes!" So he's got 5 minutes to talk gaget stuff and even then its painful. Its the only subject I am THAT repelled of- who the heck thinks this crap up? Its all so complicated and YES I know I sound like an 80 yr old! So we have it and I don't know really how to use it other than watch movie trailers butttt....I can do that on the laptop soooo we spent how much to do what we could already do ???? yaaaaa......

Ben! He's a growing and talking more and more and so moving into the terrible 2's! I remember in Texas when Amanda said, "So lately Sawyer's been starting this whining thing that's so freaking annoying- I just want to say shut up!" Or something along those lines. Ben's started it now. OH MY GOSH! Not crying, whining just loud and in long enough suspended notes you DO want to yell SHUT UP! He stayed in nursery the whole time this last Sunday! Tom drops him off, I come in for singing time with the kids and then carefully get out without Ben attaching himself to my leg which the only way off is with a crow-bar or saying HEY Thomas the Train is on!

Last Friday I took him down to a pool Lacey works at where he barfed his guts out after he took in a big gulps' worth of pool water. They had to have everyone get out of the pool while some kids fished out the chunks and other upped the chlorine for a good 45 minutes. As Lacey was bringing him to be he was still throwing up and kept barfing in the shower. Then he smiled and was ready to go back in! lol I think not.
Bottoms Up! He loves holding his sippy this way?!

In an Apple store- Tom showing me how the new iPod works (he had 5 minutes with that too), I need a new iPod AND camera though I hate technology I know I need a new thingy.

Workers scoopin out Ben's chunks haha sorry

I told Ben to say sorry to everyone for barfing (as a ton of ppl left) so he waved bye. lol

Lacey and Ben after the Barf of 2013 

Showing off how comfortable he is showering!

Friday, March 22, 2013



I made a BIG mistake. I watched a YouTube video posted on Facebook and I knew better before I even played it. Before I started it I told myself of this might be a very inappropriate prank and its all fake. It wasn't. It was half security camera footage and half media footage after the fact. I didn't even finish it it was Thee single most depressing thing I have seen in this world.
A security camera filmed footage of a child, a 2 year old toddler in the street (looked like China so the street was more like an alley) hit by a car going like 5 miles an hour, car stops keeps going which then drove over the toddler a second time with the back wheels, another car comes and drives over the child and several by passers stare and then continue on while the child is still moving a little, one woman comes over checks the still alive child and then drags him/her to the side of the lane and then walked and then after some amount of time a woman comes over- what looked like his/her mom picks up the child and rushed away. -The aftermath footage is from the media obviously doing a story about these events showing the footage and then filming the reactions of the mother after the baby had died shortly after being found.

I woke up Tom bawling. I couldn't catch my breath. For a moment I wanted to say no no no it was a SICK joke but I knew better. Even if the footage were fake we all know this kind of thing happens all over the world and probably in numbers we don't ever want to know. Please, just talk to anyone who's been to China, North Korea, etc. where baby girls are left in the street for the purpose of being killed.

For a second I wanted to understand WHY did no one do ANYTHING GOOD! I remembered what Rush said once about how people immediately want to understand the mentality of people behind disgusting acts of inhumanity, ie the natural man (man without God/God's presence). But attempting to understanding and even relate to that thinking doesn't help to prevent anything, it only masks and devalues and justifies, and in time deadens the sensitivity of the those who love their fellow man until they are just as incomprehensible themselves.

Tom comforted me while I just tried to breathe, talking about how all those children (one's abused in all meaning of the word) are with their real parents (Heavenly Father & Mother) and safe and loved but most importantly they were too pure for this world. I think if someone weren't spiritual and/or religious how those words of comfort are our way of justifying; of course not, instead its our faith and hope that justice and mercy will prevail.

I know I've mentioned before how these kinds of stories have always been so hard to take, please I've been super sensitive to......everything since I can remember (I cried in All Dogs Go to Heaven when I was like 6 when the little girl sang about just wanting a family, I cried at the end of Always when I  was 8, I cried at every baptism/church movie played when families would talk about their little children who had died and how they grew closer as a family and God from it, I was a MESS when I went to youth conference and gained my testimony for Joseph Smith and of his life, experiences and martyrdom, growing up I avoided reading the Ensign because it seem even though the stories had happy endings I was still a mess feeling empathy; fyi- do you know how hard it is to go through school/college being this way?! But I swear the worse has been since I've had Ben, any kind of report of babies being abused immediately causes severe reactions in me. I use to be able to talk about abortion...heatedly but still under control but now I can barely think about it without breaking down so talking about it is NOT an option anymore!

At this moment, I just keep thinking about what Bek said after the Sandy Hook shootings and how she took comfort rooting from an experience she had when she was little and from that event she strongly believes angels are especially with children during sickness, torture and death, etc.. I pray that when these unthinkable, monstrosities occur they are freed from pain but I think of cancer kids- they most certainly feel sickness and pain. Tom said that the veil between us and the spirit world is incredibly thin and he has no doubt our family and friends, helpers of all kinds are with us as much as they can and their were spirits with that little child. He also reminded me of the scripture about how not a single sparrow falls without Heavenly Father's knowledge and compassion.

Truth be told I'm having a hard time not HATING just about every single person involved with that event (minus the child of course). I know that the Atonement covers all of them and yes it DOES help. I think what I'm MOST so sad about is I have zero control. There's not a DANG thing I can do. Yes, I can be a fantastic mom and teach my children what Love, REAL LOVE looks and sounds and feels like so they will react to violence the same way- having zero tolerance for it. But other than that the world is sprinkled (trying to be optimistic and not think COVERED) with foul people so I have to HOPE more people are like me than not.

Okay I'm going to get out of the house today and take Ben down to Salem to going swimming with Aunt Lacey and me!