A few weeks ago I was talking with someone who just had their umpteen baby and I asked how the labor went and she said:
"Really good actually, he/she was natural like the first so only this one and (blank) wasn't natural!"
And I answered back, "What? I didn't know you had a c-section with (blank)?"
"Oh No, I meant I didn't need or use drugs."
"Ohhh gotcha."
At the time I didn't think anything about it but later when I recalled it I CHOSE to let me get in my "pain wound".
I'm sorry, did you or did you NOT have a baby get pushed out your yoo-hoo, or va-jay-jay, your whatever you wanna call it, place? If YOU did you had he/she NATURAL! Period.
Whether or not you used the miracle of drugs does not take away the fact that the baby came out by natural means: the natural, traditional, purposeful exit. YES, this subject DOES get me heated up quite a bit!
On a few difficult levels. Do I think women who have had babies without drugs are incredible? absolutely but unless pain level can be 100% transferable and relatable to another, pain is subjective. Thus, what is a 3 to someone could be a 7 to another.
For example, I have an aunt who had 5 kids, all every short labors and births, like less than 2 hours all together and for her she said they hurt but not exhausted was fine and ready to go home soon after. Than there are women who will labored steady for days and only upon extreme violent measures finally dialated to a ten and after recalled thinking they were completely convinced they WERE dying, there was no surviving the child birth.
I think women who had babies without drugs simply because they weren't available are amazing. I think women who chose not to use drugs to "have an authentic experience," are truly diluted if not secretly hiding their agenda of boasting later. It's insulting and a good way to lose respect.
I guess my point is this: IF you have a high pain tolerance, which again there is no way to objectively prove it but for conversations sack, if you have that super hero power that's awesome, truly, but please no one's going to give you a metal and its mean to throw it in peoples faces, and DO NOT USE THE THE TERM "NATURAL" to describe your super powers! Can I get a Amen?
Okay I'm going down off my soap box... (I feel better :)
Okay Jess, I love ya, but I have to call you out on this one.
ReplyDelete1. People call a non-medicated birth a "natural birth" because that is the standard definition of the term - across the board - both drs. and midwives. Here is a definition of Natural Birth from Websters Dictionary: a system of managing childbirth in which the mother receives preparatory education in order to remain conscious during and assist in delivery with minimal or no use of drugs or anesthetics
So, I have to stand behind people who are going to continue to call a non-medicated birth "natural." The natural birth to which you are referring is known as a vaginal delivery.
2. I had a non-medicated birth. I had no ulterior motives besides the desire to do what was best for me and my child. I also discovered I have a very low pain tolerance. I probably won't choose that route again because, for me, I think a medicated labor would actually be best for me and my future children. When mothers who have chosen to have non-medicated births express how easy those births were, I just think how nice that would be! I don't admire them more, and I've never thought that they were seeking admiration.
3. For some reason I had it in my head that you had a C-section. Which must not be true, because this post very much discounts the labor experience of mothers who have children via C-section. C-sections come with a whole host of other challenges and pain. Children get here in a myriad of different ways and the right way is the way that you feel is right for you!
Ok I had a very long talk with my hubby hubs last night and then a re-cap this morning. Basically, I feel much better! Has my personal opinion to have the definition of "natural labor" corrected, changed? No. But I am not so butt angry/hurt about my assumptions I think others are thinking. It's reminds me of that saying: "I'm not who I think I am. I'm not who you think I am. I am who I think, you think I am." I assume others who didn't use medication during births/labor were arrogant and nose in the air (really b/c in my experience I have rarely come across many who aren't, in my generation). I didn't realize I was BELIEVING it and that I must be a weaker person/woman...thus I was resenting all of it.
DeleteTom helped me see that even if some chick is arrogant about it doesn't matter, not taking pain relief is not important, comparing pain levels is a waste of time and again arrogant even if it was proven someone is tougher b/c it doesn't change anything. What DOES matter is doing the best you can and hoping to have a healthy baby in the end.
And lastly, I think I'm pretty scared of labor for next baby. When I was young (17) going through birth was a bucket-list thing for me- living through labor (using or not using meds was not part of it- I didn't and still don't care either way) but when I couldn't dilate past a 2 after 20 hours and Ben was struggling and needed to be cut out I felt like a failure, I feel totally fine about that now BUT I'm scared that even with meds I couldn't get through labor and/or I'd have a still-birth, like it was 60 years ago or in 3rd world countries still today. I'm glad I don't have to worry about that now. Having more c-sections doesn't bother me either and I need to just let others' experiences whom I feel/assume give off a tone of "I am so great b/c I'm so tough" not effect me either b/c again...in the end it DOESN'T matter!
Haha! I understand. It's easy to get worked up about things that are close to your heart/nerves/fears/etc. Sounds like Tom played that "calm man" card and you're feeling better. Matt has to do that for me all the time. :)
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