Time it was and what a time it was, it was

Firstly, I love my baby.

Secondly, this is a typical Jessica blog so I’ll just tell ya right now, it won’t be short (I simply don’t have it in me to tell ANY story or update in a paragraph or two) so if you need to use the restroom or get a coke- now is that time.

Baby Ben’s blessing story starts back on Halloween when he had his 2 month check-up including 4 immunizations, 3 shots and one oral. He screamed, oh gosh he whimpered and I thought I was gonna lose it like I did when he got the "big cut" but I was braver. For the rest of the day he was very sleepy and not his usual crying, Mr. Fussy self but I was just fine with it. The Doctor recommended to try Zantac twice day thinking it may or may not help with his colic. The next day was my first day back to merchandising- I was stupid enough to think I wouldn’t need to take my pump and experienced what it means to be so full I’m heavily leaking with ice-berg hard boobs, thus I HAD to pause and run over to Ash’s to feed him where I found he had been sleeping the whole morning and afternoon…two days in a row?? Weird. Anyway, I finished work which went fine especially since I didn’t sweat like I did when I was 40lbs heavier! I got home, Ben woke up, he was looking so calm I whipped out my camera and took a couple of photos only to stop and ask him if he was feeling okay, feeling his overly warm forehead when he whimpered again and then threw up a pools’ amount of milk. I was shocked and worried. Then I cried like I did when got circumcised! Luckily, he wasn’t sick too long. His fever broke the next morning though his diarrhea lasted much longer (Bek you were right, after I got off the phone with you about what to expect from baby diarrhea he had it). Here is the photo right before he threw up.

Tom’s mom, Tamaralynn flew in Friday night and stayed with us until this morning. I have to say I really REALLY lucked-out in the in-law department. Tamara is very sweet, passive and doesn’t intrude or judge (or maybe she’s just super good at hiding it ;) She was very sweet with Ben. I feel lucky Ben has TWO grandmas who love him and are interested in his life!

Saturday was a marathon day, starting with Ben struggling the whole night before with gas. As much as I want to be martyr-ish about my lack of sleep, I still feel terrible about HIS restlessness and I just think his pain has to be worse than my annoyance. Anyway, I was up with him from 12:30am-8:30am and then once I was sure Tamara was up Tom and I came out of the room and started a big breakfast including French toast made from French bread, bacon (it was on a super sale and it was a special occasion so I got it, not that I’m against bacon, nooo its just so expensive!) Also, we made orange juice that I like to puree in the blender to give it a yummy froth, over-easy eggs for Tamara, scrambled for Tom and I ate my typical cheesy-eggs with salsa.

We left the apartment around 11am and drove down town parked free at the Institute building near PSU (Ben crying, screaming the entire 20 min drive) and walked over to the Saturday Market so Tamara could experience Portlandia. We walked over to Voodoo Donuts, but the line was in its typical hour wait so we kept walking (Voodoo Donuts is a big hit in Pdx, it’s been talked about in several Food magazines and on Food Network.  I’ve personally never had one for obvious reasons but I have yet to hear a single review where someone wasn’t underwhelmed. Then we stopped into Safeway to grab a quick something where we saw a Portland Trail Blazer. I couldn’t tell you which one but the man was HUGE. I’m talkin the tallest man, wholly moley!

Then we got back to the car, changed Ben, feed him, put him back in his car set and he cried, screamed the entire drive again until he got to Multnomah Falls. Tamara REALLY wanted to visit the beautiful waterfall and this was the waterfall Tom took me to when we were dating and he admitted later he was testing me out to see how I would handle the heights b/c he wanted to propose on the bridge, knowing how much I LOVE water and waterfalls but I had a mini freak-out while we were there so he decided that wouldn’t be a good idea.

{side note: not sure everyone knows this but I HATE heights, I HATE them. Spiders make me shiver and I get scared, scream and want nothing to touch me including my clothing when I see them but heights? I get dizzy, my legs get wobbly and I feel like I’m gonna black-out.}

Well I was 100% planning on letting Tom and Tamara just do the hike up to the top on their own while I took a nap in the car but truth be told I had gotten super chilled from walking around Pdx in the rain that I thought it would be good for me to get some exercise to warm up by just walking to the bridge and yes, all the while being super attentive momma bear making sure Ben’s head, ears, legs, feet, hands, BODY was well covered and warm as it was very chilly!

IF you fell you wouldn’t just get hurt, it would be a complete miracle if you didn’t die and I’m NOT exaggerating about this- I was mortified seeing parents going with small children, there’s NO FREAKIN WAY I will do that with my kids- it would be like ASKING for my kids to die!

By the 3^rd switch-back I was huffing and puffing. Tom was VERY aware so we stopped at a turn and strapped Baby Ben to him. I had a very mini freak-out when Tom took him because I was horrified that if Tom fell he’d die with ALL my family! So ya, I totally teared-up and Tom reassured me he was going to be extra safe! I didn’t think too much about the heights as we were hiking cause I was focusing MORE on breathing, I mean it was totally the most exercise I had since before Ben was born. We kept on with Tom walking on the outside and giving me encouragement.

By the 6^th switch-back I started to really get scared and then dizzy and then I had to stop and just squat down facing the mountain as I cried and tried not to completely have a full on panic attack in front of my mother-in-law and anyone else who walked by. For me, it’s not the fear of how high up you are but it’s a fear of falling (it should be called Fear of Falling and not Heights) and it goes from fearing you’re gonna fall to feeling it’s inevitable so I might as well get it over with and just jump, and there’s a physical sensation that absolutely puts me in the “height” of panicking which is a feeling of a pulling from my chest as if someone is grabbing my shirt and pulling me down. It’s terrifying to say the least. I wasn’t sure what to do cause I was scared either direction I turned either uphill or down. Like, I felt if I started walking down I would actually be more scared from looking down and by looking up would help me so I kept going. It wasn’t long until we were at the top. I didn’t go to the look-out bridge, I didn’t need to- I had already had one panic attack and besides I HAD reached the top!

It took over an hour to climb up and about 45 minutes to walk down. Ben slept the whole way and yep…cried just about the whole way home (an hour). Tom’s mom took us out for sushi. Tom LOVES sushi. I feel blah about it. I mean Dax took us out to Sushi a few times and I really have had just about all kinds but to me #1.) Its rice and I don’t eat it sooo there’s no point. #2.) It all really does taste the same no matter whats in it. Kinda like Mexican food that way- it ALL is the same ingredients and no matter how "authentic" it is it always tastes kinda boring to me which leads me to #3.) Its kinda bland. I’d rather have something with basil and garlic and onion! Mhmm

Saturday I picked up some gas drops for Ben, having tried …4(?) attempts to pick up some Mylicon for Ben at Babies R Us (we have a gift card) but it was always  sold out but there was a ton of the Babies’s R Us brand and I thought well its worth trying. That night I ended up giving him 3 doses -10pm, 2:30am, 5:50am obviously I couldn’t tell a bit of difference!

Sunday, I stressed, I had stressed since he was born about how the crap to time everything just right so he wouldn’t scream through his blessing. I had people tell me, "whatever happens will happen!" I asked Tom to PLEASE make sure the microphone was on before he started so no one would miss it. And before hand I feed Ben, changed his pants, his clothes and feed him again right before we went into Sacrament meeting, knowing he had only had just micro naps (his typical daily routine). I ran into friends before S.M., met my sister-in-law in the Mother’s lounge and another guest, came out to find a ton more friends and family packed in the lobby! It was sooo sweet to feel the support of so many including one of my bosses from the office, Vica! I’m DIEING to know what she thought about her first Mormon Sacrament Meeting experience!

Tom said that when he took Ben up he didn’t even look once at the men around him that he was only aware of Ben J His blessing consisted of being blessed a strong missionary, of being able to go to the Temple with a worthy bride, that he will be a good example to his family and peers, he will be patient, and have a love for people. I really love the patience and love of others!

After S.M. I had lots of people, one after another come up, visitors and ward members alike it reminded me of our reception -trying SO hard to make sure we acknowledged everyone but not being able to....its frustrating, I just don’t want anyone to feel I didn’t care about them enough to talk to them!!!

I was SO sleep deprived and frazzled I completely forgot about family pictures afterwards and remembered AFTER we had gotten home, quickly changed then drove to my parents' in Salem for dinner! Ben slept for about 7 minutes during that 40 car ride and then didn’t nap for more than 5 minutes at my parents’.

Dinner was wonderful. My mom and dad knocked themselves out deep-cleaning the house and providing a very filling meal.

Ben’s cousins were very sweet. Madison and Seth asked so many times to hold him even right after they had ;) and the triplets were so curious about the small baby!

Ben….I was so sure he was gonna pass-out on the way home but he didn’t. I tried to sleep but I kept opening my eyes to check on him to find him just staring at me almost like he was watching to see when I would fall asleep. lol He even had a hard time falling asleep last night. I’m sure the amount of being passed around in conjunction with his colic temperament equaled an overly simulated baybay.

So this morning Tom’s mom left and for the most part Baby Ben has had some nice naps. I SWORE I was gonna nap with him but earlier I just watched him sleep deeply and I just fell in love with him again and ya he’s woken up and just cried and fussed until the next nap but I love him just the same.

Post Script:

It’s now been a week of him taking Zantac- I can’t say its realllllyyyy helped, it’s hard to gauge cause I think he’s come down like 10% in the crying all day sooo its like, it is really the meds or a coincidence? Or is he finally coming out of colic slowly? Or something else??? Not sure but I do recognize there has been a slight difference and I’ll take it!!! Last night his gas, while there was still a lot, seemed to have been less sooo maybe that other stuff is working or maybe he just had less? The battle continues!

Thanks for reading!