Two Steps Forward, One Step back

And Sometimes it feels like One step forward, Two steps back. I apologize for my Debbie-Downerness at present. Because at present I feel like I have a serving size dish in front of me, replacing a dinner plate, and it's piled really high. Loaded with one heavy obstacle on top of another. I will say this, BECAUSE I feel it very strongly, even now I feel an overwhelming sense of calm and EVERYTHING will not only work out but work out for the better...That makes all the difference. However, I'm still a female and as such I'm gonna complain to lift the burdens just a tad.
#1.) February is a BIG, LONG work month. Funny, it's the shortest month. It's a Graphic Change Out (GCO) event for all my Adidas locations including Eugene. I have to be at my stores at 8am to make meet the snap-framers whom show up 50% of the time. Do you know how freakin annoying that is to drive to my parents the night before, get up at 6am and be in Eugene by 8am JUST so the guy doesn't show up? There are worse things, I know. On top of the GCO's I also do a full rotation. Some stores are harder than others.
#2.) I am 85% sure I'm going to be giving up my Gresham store at the end of February. I need to fully make up my mind so I can let my boss get someone else lined up. I know they have hired others and its won't be a problem and actually my boss let me know right before I went back to work that IF I needed to scale back any of my stores just say so, that they understand. So what's holding me back? Giving up one store is also giving up 1/3 of my monthly take home. It means giving up a little over 3400 a year. But on the other hand Ben will NOT take a bottle. He's had moments is all since he was born but won't do it and thus when I'm working 40 min one way he starves on those days. It stressed me like no other- not to mention the patience and endurance my mom practices when she is trying to soothe his screaming self for those 8 hrs. And back to the first hand, I had so much anxiety and guilt over my student loans which I work so hard to pay off. No one brings them up but me. I treat them like...like they're a debt we have 3 months left on and thus I have all this energy and anxiousness over them day to day when they are gonna be around for a few years (unless a miracle of miracle happens but I'm not counting on it). I've never been afraid of hard work so I am NOT unwilling to work BUT I have a baby who depends on me and whom I promised before he was ever conceived I wouldn't work while being entrusted on Earth with him.
#3.) I threw out my back AGAIN. I did it on Jan 2nd and I did it again last night. It wasn't from any one single event it really just never got HELD from the first time. This HAS happened before years ago. I was living with Emily and for the life of me I can't remember if it was my back or my neck that I had to have 2 injection appointment just a few days apart cause one wasn't enough and the pain was that bad. So I'm there again. I wouldn't really mention it but I feel my back is part of a bigger whole that I'm worried about. For the past few months I have been so lethargic and can't seem to get on top of it. I'm not feeling depression with it- simply exhausted. I had my thyroid checked and my levels were more than "normally off" so my Dr. wants me to see a Endocrinologist and since Dr. M has talked at lenght about my thyroid in conjunction with my PCOS, Diabetes and my back breaking down again- I'm gonna go see him tomorrow to discuss my lab results AND get more injections cause if I don't I will not be able to do my 8am Adidas stuff come Monday. I'll let you know what I find out. PS- I'm waiting to hear back if Tom can get off work to go with me for reasons we ALL know why! ughhh
#3.) My car is needing repairs again. It's not enough reason to jump ship but its enough for me to want to scream. I'm glad its not soooo big. But it's enough that its coming out of the budget that I SO badly wanted to use against my lowest student loan to which is SOOO close to being DEAD forever. Not Voltimort dead in part 1 but Voltimort dead in part 7.2. DEAD FOREVERRRRR.
#4.) The mold is back in the room. Just THAT quick. I swear to gosh we haven't brought in some much as a sis of liquid into the room. I have left the windows open all day- today will be #3 of that and just letting things air out. I turned over my night stand on Monday and you all would have puked! It was covered sooo badly with mold I was amazed we all aren't hospitalized from it. Okay I'm being dramatic...what's new. BUT It WAS BAD!!! Before I leave the place today I'm gonna put down a box worth of baking soda on the carpet. Seems the wall we share with our neighbor is bowing in and there's wetness....?
#5.) I have guilt. I have such overwhelming guilt. I so want to give back to my parents what has been given and what they are still giving today; ie paying on one of my Parent Plus loans. I wish soooo badly to be able to surprise them with everything I owe back and more and lift their burdens. I fear to the point of nervousness that they will both pass years before we will be in a place to give back. I understand the pay it forward but I desire so greatly to do both.
#6.) I think, analyze like crazy how to get Tom through school faster. It all leads me back to why I'm working and why its scary for me to give up a huge chunk of income (well HUGE to us that is).
Okay I'm feeling better...here are the latest photos of my family whom I'd give up ANYTHING and EVERYTHING for!

PS- I love how Mr. Concernicus is either in Friar-prayer mode or Black Panther's revolt mode while sleeping! heeh