I THINK Ben has come out of colick. (Looks around with squinted eyes and flenches for impact). It's been about a week of old mild storms, no hurricanes or tornado's, or hell fire damnation. Mostly just typical "I'm tired and I'm gonna let everyone know about it!"-cries WHICH I can live with!
At present its after 2pm. I have Sense & Sensibility going in the living room, Ben is asleep, I haven't showered, I worked yesterday and I'm sore, I'm without my chocolate chips for too many days to count, well no...only 10 days, I feel like I'm going to kill if I only had the strength to do so. I'm kinda an emotional basket case the last couple days because Ben has been up at every hour throughout the night the past 3-4 nights and completely awake at 4am which is new and not like him- not sure what that's all about AND on top of feeling pms-ie (I mean its been a week and a half so its TIME for another period I guess!) Plus, I am no different than a life long smoker going 10 days without being in favor country. Ya, so I want to kill. Kill people? Not really. I'm don't have any beef with anyone I can think of.In fact, Tom texted me a few minutes ago saying if we had the money if would have flowers sent to me today. It made me cry. Just hearing that he cares and thinks about those indearing, sweet things makes me feel like I DO have flowers in a vase in front of me!
I would get into HOW I am feeling, where its coming from with this latest separation from chocolate but I'm too much in the thick of it PLUS I'm at the stage of wanting to just scream every swear word I've never said, grab my car keys, run to the store wearing just my pj's and greasy hair pulled back and be back before Ben wakes up. I KNOW ME..NOT take every opportunity to spill my most personal guts into cyber space but that's how it is today.
I will say this. Chocolate is not the enemy. Never has been. Neither is carmel or anything that makes me want it so much I hid it so I don't have to share and have less of it, hide the large quantity I eat, hide period. So please for the love of gosh, please don't give the "woman on day 10" any lectures on how I need to change my "relationship with chocolate so its not in enemy" because like I said- It's not ITS fault its the best thing next to...YOU KNOW WHAT. It's my mixed-up perception. I think I need to take JFK's advice with a creamy, smooth, deep twist..."Ask not what chocolate can do for you but what you can do for chocolate." IF I take that advice I will do what one very BEST friend suggested I do many moons ago and have a bloody funeral for chocolate (though she didn't say the bloody part- I think that was the pms part coming out).
BEN:
Ben Is adorable period, no- EXCLAMATION MARK, with italics, bolded, underlined, AND quoted.
I think Ben has a hundred looks. Some times he looks like me, sometimes he looks like Tom's side and I see Julius, Jackson, Kaija, etc. And for the rest, he looks like Ben!
He's been finding his thumb lately but hasn't quite worked out how it suck it. He LOVES bath time- always has and just kicks and kicks and throws those arms around wildly mostly when I sing to him, it just gets him going. And there's water everywhere afterwards but its totally worth it.
I told Tom the other night, its so fun/wonderful to be a baby's favorite person. I mean I'm Tom's favorite person of course but to have a little guy want you more than anyone else is so sweet. (Maybe not at 1,2,3,4,5am but its still worth it). I can't wait for a another baby. I don't even care if I have 3 boys before I have a girl.
I'm proud of you for choosing to do something really good for you even though it is very hard. That is the definition of courage. You are being a very good example to everyone, and someday, Ben.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Becca!. I'm sorry he's been up at all hours. I remember those days and nights of depression and misery. I was literally crazy. You have an amazing attitude. Such an example to me. You are doing a wonderful job, and I promise, he will get better! Even though it seems impossible, he will eventually sleep and you will too! Wish I was there with you!
ReplyDeleteI think the fact that you said that you can't wait to have another baby is a good sign. He must be coming out of colick. Because Ruby's almost a year and I STILL am nowhere close to saying that I want to have another baby.
ReplyDeleteThanks ladies! For the record, I DID start another period a couple days after posting this. LAME PANTS!
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