A Beach without Sand

It feels a little weird blogging.
#1.) My issues seem so uneventful, and not far from non-life threatening compared to what I know others are going through.
#2.) Even without the above it's been a LONG month!

What's new?
Answer: Everything and nothing.
Detail #1: Ben
Ben has figured out every toy in the last 24 hours. Not sure what brain juice he took but he woke up this morning and figured out how to grab/pull on a toy to make it rattle upon letting go. Last week he figured out that instead of moving toward his toys he'd simply tug on the blanket and the toys came to him. He's even gone from being on his stomach up on hands and tip-toes and starting rocking then lunged forward. It was pretty dang awesome. Of course the whole time he was freaking out and screaming wondering why I wasn't picking him up but I saw what he was doing and let him struggle for the extra moment or two.
With the exception of tonight where he actually opened his mouth in anticipation of another bit (miracle of miracles) he doesn't like food. Not peaches, not apple sauce, not oatmeal, BUTTTTT what does he like to his mother's dismay....bread & cinnamon rolls. Yep. The little baybay is on his way to fat-kid ville if I'm not careful. -Ok really he takes in the tiniest of morsel, gets it wet and there's still more soggy bread left than eaten but not for long I'm sure. Oh and he still refuses a bottle. Its still more of a blessing so I won't complain.
I think my favorite part is that he can still fit 0-3 month clothes. I love it. I'm storing away clothes just so they won't get too worn out for next baby boy (not on the way, just down the road) ;)

Details #2.) SLEEPING
KILL ME. I don't even know if I have the energy or emotional control to talk about it and be okay without drugs.... It's been tough. My little guy has been kinda bi-polar since the moment he came out, its just a fact. 3 nights in a row will be okay- he'll wake up 4 times as normal and its tiring but do-able and then......then like 3-4 night in a row he's up every hour. I thought I got on top of it by cutting out pop and chocolate but it wasn't it. It's still happening without my dp and chocolate, with the noisy fan going, being wrapped up, putting up a blanket so he can't see us just 4 feet away, even with us holding our breath. IT SUCKS.
We're planning on tough-love sleep training. That is, we are going with the quick and sever route and letting him scream it out. We've been promised that by night three he'll be sleeping through the night. -THIS IS WHERE I'LL TAKE ALL THE ENCOURAGEMENT ANYONE WANTS TO GIVE!!!
We WERE going to bite the bullet this coming Tuesday and Wednesday but found out Tom will be doing an all nighter Thursday on top of working all day that day and the next morning AND evening sooo staying up all Wednesday isn't an option so maybe we'll try this Friday/Saturday? I'm nervous, not gonna lie. I know it would be 80000% easier if we had different bedrooms or could some how put him in the living room or something but it simply doesn't work any other way- TRUST ME! We've spent hours and hours on arrangements.

Detail #3.) Moving
A point of frustration, anxiety is where the fudge are we gonna to live next. We won't be going anywhere until the end of September when the lease is up and Ben will be 1 (ahhhhhh crazy!!!) And though we are looking half heartedly at this point our FULL hearts are dreaming, hoping, praying for a miracle! I know we definitely experienced one when we moved here. We had like just a couple of weeks until we had to move and nothing was panning out and it was scary so we fasted. In fact, we fasted on the hottest day of the summer it was difficult but the result was the Spirit lead me to call a friend who recommended a random person who led us here. As we were driving up to our current place it was right immediately! =) Now....we have our Ben, our needs have changed along with our budget.
My desire is to at least move slightly up but reality says we will be lucky if we are able to even move across. Whether up, down, sideways or purple ;) If it's right then it will be right and we'll be happy!

Details #4.) Becca Beach
Yesterday Ben and I drove to Bek's! It was his first visit to the beach though we never actually went to the beach- plllleeeaaaasssseee it's ME and BEK here! It was a nice thought but I accomplished what I went to do TALK and be TLAKED at! And I LOVED every moment!!!!! The saddest part, and I know anyone who has a BF who doesn't see or talk to them often will completely understand- when you finally are together your brain is in such overload of topics to cover that once you hit half way- everything goes fuzzy and you can't remember the rest cause you're sleep deprived, excited, been crying in out with your BF, handling interruptions every 2 minutes, etc. Conclusion? I just need to go more often!!! Even with gas prices being as gay as they are (ya I said used the word not in its "correct perspective", deal with it) I won't let it be a bigger deal than the deal of not having girl time! Plus, my husband is pretty supportive of me having girl time WITH another girl and not with him. (side note: this is where I do ANOTHER plug for "Men Are From Mars...." again) Gosh, I should get a cut from him with the amount of plugging I do!
Anyway- There were TONS of cute moments of Bek, Billy, Bek's kids with Ben and the only time I grabbed my camera was here!

Details #5.) Prayer
I've been struggling, wait, I've been CHOOSING to struggle with food a lot lately. It's not so much I want to or am even pigging out- that's not my problem. It's more with the weirdness of NOT ever being able to figure out what I want to eat, what sounds even half good to eat. When I say its totally like Morning sickness, IT IS. So I won't eat until something gets in my head and sounds good on my palette. But what ends up happening, wait, what I have been CHOOSING to do is waiting until I'm so hungry I CHOOSE to eat stuff I normally don't touch even on a holiday and I'm so frustrated, scared angry cause while the food tastes fine, its not good enough to feel gross, dumb about. I know that what it really comes down to is what it has ALWAYS come down to. I still fight my lot. I HAVE been in a good place about it and I want to get back there. I want it, it was sooooo relieving and I wasn't sulking or pathetic. I accepted what WAS/IS. I honestly feel what I need is more ernest prayer. This is my thing that obviously Heavenly Father knows I can get through and get through well. I may have missed the boat on enduring well part but I still have a great chance on defeating it. I know it takes daily decision making, planning ahead but more than anything ernest, sincere prayer.