I know I've mentioned before how blah I am about New Years. I think it was a lot more fun when I was single and that excitement of "COULD THE ONE BE HERE AT THE DANCE TONIGHT??" Or I guess if Tom and I were drinkers we'd go bar hopping or something but obviously that's not us. So instead we treat last night like any other Sunday; enjoying the family time and not looking forward to work the next day. However...Any holiday, fun or not I am WAY more happy to be right here and now then all those years of longing and waiting so really, this is the best way to spend New Years (plus I remember everything from the night before and have ZERO regrets waking up to the guy next to me!)
Honestly, 2013 was rough. It kinda reminds me of 2003 now that I think of it. That while 2003 was jammed full of weddings and super big learning adventures, it was a very hard year where my headache/migraines peaked, I got terribly messed up from a prescription drug that is now one of those "if you or a loved one took 'blank' and has been experiencing long lasting effects contact So-and-So for a trillion dollar lawsuit" and lost 50 lbs. in 10 weeks and almost all of it muscle loss (not to mention very noticeable hair loss). While my headaches are now few and far between, the cause of them and the much bigger issue seems to be getting worse.
There is not a day that goes by that I am not hurting and wishing I had a live-in massage therapist. I don't mean massages with hot rocks and soothing music and light rub downs (though that sounds calming) I mean someone using their elbow (because hands and mechanical massage tools are too wide and are as effective as good intentions. When I have Tom work on my back and shoulders he has to use his elbow, body weight and gravity. It hurts really bad but it's the only thing that makes it feel loose and better. What does it feel like? My shoulders, along the underneath of my blades feel like I have ligaments pulled so tight I SWEAR I have been tempted to beg Tom to take a pair of scissors and just dig in the areas and just cut the ligaments/muscles entirely. I know it sounds gruesome. Beside those tight areas I'm so flippin sore along the rest of my shoulders that even a light pat or hug can hurt.
Now for the interesting part! On Monday I FINALLY had X-rays done that I had been putting off (don't ask why) I was completely prepared to hear that nothing was found and my diagnosis would be somewhere in myofascial pain (close to fibromyalgia) and not have any real plan of fixing it. But... something was found. The X-ray tech was super nice and showed me all my X-rays. First was my neck. I already knew my head doesn't sit on my neck correctly but I got to see what it was doing exactly and compared to a healthy alignment- pretty interesting. I guess you could say I'm part ostrich. My shoulders: Not much was found but the tech said that is very typical b/c I was having X-rays not CAT scans done so picking up on muscle and ligament issues was gonna be pretty non-existant. My Back: ahhh my back. At first when the tech showed me I was like oh no I must have been standing weird I don't think I was standing straight but the tech was like I'm sure you were but let's do it over again just to make sure- same result- crookeder than a politician! I was shocked. I mean it makes sense I just wasn't expecting to see anything wrong. The lumbar is shaped about the same as...hmmm like a half oval? I think my follow up appt is next week and we'll see if my rheumatologist will refer me to an orthopedic specialist or what?
Aside from the physical stuff 2013 kicked my butt depression and anxiety wise. I'm doing a few treatments and feeling a little more confident but overall its not something I ever experienced during my youth or 20's. I think it has been a HUGE humbling experience overall. I know Elder Holland talked about mental/emotional issues should not be any different than talking about high blood pressure, etc but I still struggle with acceptance. There are times where I feel an extra big wave coming and there's not much I can do other than recognizing it and knowing it will eventually leave after a few days.
Now for the POSITIVE!
- 2013 marked one more year closer to 2016 election so THAT'S comforting. ;)
- Benny turned 2 in September
- Ben's a great swimmer
- Has really great manners -saying thank you most of the time without being reminded! =)
- He loves hanging out with other kids
- He LOVES nursery!
- He's gone potty on his potty a few times though I haven't seriously started potty training
- He's grown a ton! Wears 3 yr old clothes and some 4's (b/c I know he'll be there soon)
Tom and I worked out butts off and made our goal to pay off Department of Education before Christmas!
Balance as of December 31, 2012
Balance as of December 31, 2013
- Tom is now working just one full time job and has been home more-ish and I am soooo happy for it! (So is Ben)
- I have finally felt what it means to be baby hungry. Hungry but not starving! ;)
- And I really should have mentioned this first!!! We have been soooo blessed all year by family, friends, co-workers, strangers, etc. I absolutely know not a day goes by that we don't feel spoiled so much for the lives we had, things we have and don't have. Healthy, happy, sweet Ben, employment of plenty, beautiful country!
I know there are so many other things that happened like Lacey getting married but I'm running late!
2014 is going to be a totally new adventure and we are SO flippin excited!
