Whine with My Fish

Okay so I've been meaning to blog about this as a reminder to future me and a learning experience for everyone else.

Due to our wedding anniversary landing while I was in Houston and us being too cheap to take time off work to go on a date, we waited until Tom had a Saturday shift where he would be off early enough to go out when more than bars are open!

I had plenty of time to find a sitter but Lacey was busy and dang it I didn't want to pay someone...so what happened? Well obviously when you make dumb decisions BAD consequences result.

Tom got off at 6:30pm and I made sure to have Ben as ready as possible when Tom arrived, not wanting to delay a moment of Ben being in his somewhat "manageable stage of the night". Earlier I had made a spontaneous trip to Old Navy to get some much needy clothes with the money I DID have budgeted for a sitter.

SIDE NOTE: I have become a clearance rack shopper. When I was younger clearance racks were way beneath me. Now I've gotten over myself and I'm happy when I can get a brand new shirt without issues for $2.50, I mean you can't find that at a thrift store. I was able to find a pair of MUCH needed jeans and five shirts for 45 bucks. not bad =)

I know I tried on at least 15 different combinations (not exaggerating) from my findings and what I already had and could not feel awesome. I so wanted to look and feel the way I did when we were dating when I knew I looked great and hot for my guy, granted Tom DID think I looked hot that night even if I didn't feel it.

For a good month now I have been craving seafood. GOOD SEAFOOD. The best I've ever had was from a restaurant downtown Portland at a ritzy place (funny enough I had spent a first date there with another boyfriend). It was SUCH great food and there's no way he walked away paying less than $150 for our meals! Gosh it was sooo good. Anyway, that was my first choice but me being me and us being us that wasn't where we went THOUGH if I really wanted to I know Tom would have been fine, I really am the cheaper of the two of us. So we chose to go to our favorite restaurant, Cheesecake Factory with its ridiculously large menu, I mean half the menu would still be too many options but its awesome is it not!? PLUSSSS its our tradition to get crab cakes for our appetizer so that would help with my fish craving.

By the time we got to the VERY popular restaurant ON A SATURDAY night that doesn't take reservations no less...we had a 50 minute wait. It was 7:15pm. That meant normally Ben would be going down in 15 minutes. It meant every minute of reasonable 2 year old was ticking away. It meant we had to find another place to eat and fast! We found a Red Lobster on the TomTom super close by and it took driving up and down the street a few times until we saw a small sign saying the place was being remodeled and wouldn't be reopening for a few months! Then we were like CRAP, now what? Our last choice. A VERY distant 3rd place choice was Portland Seafood Company that's is located on the other side of the mall from Cheesecake Factory. By the time we were seated it was after 8pm, we SHOULD have just stuck with our place in line at C.F.!

There were hardly any customers (our first clue) and the menu was pricey (ugh) but he sat down and pretty much immediately asked for an appetizer asap. Very surprisingly Ben was all over the calamari. He loved it! This from a kid who eats the same 10 items day after day and mostly CRAP. Of course by the time we got our entrees Ben had gotten a piece of calamari in the back of his tongue, gagged, and then barfed all over. The nice waitress brought damp cloths and wipes, etc. Ben was fine after a moment but didn't want to eat anymore, of course, though his belly was now NOT full again. Tom and I ate FAST as Ben was getting restless and we were fighting to keep him quite and from running around. We barely had any dinner conversation as husband and wife. I think I asked, "So what are you most proud of that we've done in the past 3 years?" and "What goals do we want to set for the next year or even next couple months?" I may have ASKED the questions but the interruptions were too many to remember we even had a conversation going at all.

Ben cried/screamed most of the ride home and only stopped for moments when I would contort my body to face him and engage in peek-a-boo. When we got home we still had to try to get some food in his stomach because for several, several, SEVERAL weeks/months he's been getting up numerous times a night needing refills of his sippy (milk) -BECAUSE he WON'T eat enough before bed so he's been getting filled up on milk! AHHHH KNOCK ON WOOD- that refilling has stopped the last 3 nights this week though him getting up and needing help going back to bed has NOT. A GOOD night I only get up twice, a BAD night (like last night) I get up 5+ times.

Overall, I wish I would have listened to my brother Rex's advice earlier that eventful Saturday, "Don't take your kids with you on your anniversary dates. They weren't there when you got married, they shouldn't be there when you celebrate it each year either."

In closing, Tom and I didn't get each other gifts this year. But I did ask for a card! Since I can't have a whole lot of his time so I definitely want his words! So he made me a card in iPhoto and had it sent to me. I don't think he would mind me sharing his words...

My Dearest Love

I don't know what I'd do without you.

All I know is that I'll never let you out of my sight;

for these last three years have been the happiest of my life.

May you forever be by my side, and may you always know how

deeply and passionately I love and adore you darling.

Happy Anniversary My Love.

Gentle, Kind, and Peaceful

I read yet another birth story this morning. I love birth stories but maybe not THIS kind. It was all about how it was this woman's fourth birth and how the first two were "traumatic" with "unnecessary interventions". And after baby two this person looked into hypno-birthing and other such stuff. For the record, I'm not ANTI pain management in all its forms, please I'm very PRO. But when it comes to having a baby there is SUCH an arrogance not there that laboring and birthing without meds is wise, healthy, and even heroic. GAG.

I've blabbed about all this before so I'll just get to the point. In this particular story the writer said how after reading "natural" birthing methods she learned birthing is SUPPOSE to be "Gentle, kind, and peaceful." Yep. I must have read that sentence like 10 times, like, wait did I skip a line? 

Here's my point. These kinds of birth stories usual start with "with my first kid(s) I didn't know what to expect and in turn had a terrible birthing experience so then I educated myself and got a doula and/or midwife and then life was amazing!" It kinda makes me want to slap someone. BECAUSE it implies being educated and ready makes all the difference between having a labor that goes how you want as apposed to not. It simply isn't true. Of course I think reading and preparing and choosing the best birthing method you THINK is best for you is fantastic; I'm simply saying I know people who did just that with preparing FIRST and still had horrific birthing experiences. 

Anyway, I think labor is just like pregnancy. It's hard. There are GREAT moments! i.e. Feeling baby move, when everyone else can finally feel baby move too, the excitement from everyone around you, the stronger bond between you and your spouse, going into labor and knowing he/she is coming soon, being in labor and having FANTASTIC support from your spouse and family/friends, working so hard to push that beautiful life into this world, etc. 

I also think labor is like pregnancy. It's hard. It's painful, most of your ouchies are about your girl parts or your exits on your body so talking about them isn't pleasant, having someone IN them isn't pleasant; you're quite uncomfortable most of the time no matter what pillow you use, position you're in, what foods you try to eat to help your nausea, and other than your mom and girlfriends you feel quite alone in your pain and it can be scary. So.... birthing being "gentle, kind, and peaceful"??? I say WOW her epidural must have been AWESOME! 

Enchanted Forest 2013

Growing up Enchanted Forest was like Salem's DISNEYLAND. Going every few years was a BIG deal and I remember loving it. When I was really young my family including some cousins went together and while in the "haunted house" and there's a corner where a mechanical monster (triggered in your steps approaching) comes toward you. Well somehow Brian and I got left behind right before that corner and we were paralyzed for what seemed like a year, every time the monster would retreat back into darkness I'd take Brian's hand and we would try again but sure enough that monster would pop out and we would whimper away. I'm pretty sure we were even crying too. So sad, right? Anyway, the last time I went to Enchanted Forest I was 8 and my mom was like 7 months pregnant with Lacey. So this year my mom and dad were ready to take their kids back through that haunted house! Just kidding. They wanted to take their grandkids to the theme park. 

When you're young everything seems so much longer than it really is. I was reminiscing with my mom a few weeks ago and I asked her how long we kids would stay at parks and mom was like oh 45 mins and I was like WHAT? I totally thought we would stay for hours! haha Going to Enchanted Forest as a kid was no different; it was a blast and the only sad part was leaving. Going back as a parent is NO different and ABSOLUTELY different! 

It only took seconds upon entering the park to feel so impressed with my parents! I have one kid. ONE. They have/had five kids to chase down, clean up, take to the bathroom, put in time-out, give dead threats to (I'll take you home right now if you don't stop!) etc etc etc. AND they did it willingly all those times growing up. WOW. So now they must not have learned their lesson because they were doing it all again but with six grandchildren (Seth was at camp). Of course Rex, Aleece, and I came along but even with five adults we were each exhausted by the end.

This is Ben hanging out on my parents dash board. He was so tired and while waiting for me to get everything together and go home he found the unlikeliest of comfy-zones. 

How many times did he get snapped in only to be taken out moments later? I stopped counting at 15

This trip marked the FIRST time I got the triplets down...well I FINALLY memorized which color is which! Rex & Aleece have color-coded their kids and for more than FOUR years I couldn't even remember THREE colors! But this trip I succeeded! Alex is blue, Riley is Red, and Zach is green! Baby Josh I call Squashy-Joshy WHO, for the record IS the best, easiest baby EVER! I'm not even messing. Maybe it was from the c-section and he's perma-calm but I'm telling ya IF he cries its more like a little on-off whimper and the rest of the time ALWAYS smiling and happy and he can sleep through decimal levels only known from front row rock concerts and the White House.

Because Ben is so comfortable with water I had to keep my eye on him and yes he DID try to get out of the boat a couple times but I was barking at him and ready to just the fence to get him if necessary.

I think I'm the worst parent because I'm already dreading the next visit to a theme park BUT remembering how much I LOVED it as a kid myself is the only motivation to give that experience to my kids and then grandkids! Ben and his cousins are truly so spoiled and loved by their grandma and grandpa! =)

Zombie Land

I survived, barely but I survived.

My journey to Houston started Sunday night with our neighbors below getting into yet another fight.  He's a tall, very fit, attractive black guy, early 20's, she's a short, kinda cubby, mousey white girl, also in her early 20's. Up until Sunday night we ONLY ever heard him, never once her. He's a yeller and there is always slamming of doors like a teenager throwing a tantrum the average being 4-5 times during a fight. Anyway, Tom and I were in bed watching some Top Gear or whatever and we heard "her" being dropped off saying goodbye, sounded like she was in a good mood. Then within a few minutes he started yelling and the door slamming begun and off and on yelling and then another slam/thud and then for the first time we finally heard her; not just crying but sobbing. Ben woke up at the same time and after I got him back down and came back into my room I could hear her still sobbing and talking on the phone (assuming she was on the phone because it was just a one-way conversation). Tom and I looked at each other and I was like, "You HAVE to call the police!"

Tom did and within about 10 minutes an officer showed up, it was close to midnight. We heard him knock on their door pretty loud a few times then knock harder while announcing he was the police and they needed to come to the door. This went on for a good 10 minutes and then the officer came up to our apartment and wanted to know exactly what we heard and how long ago we last heard either of them. Being assured they were most likely still home he went back down and proceeded to knock/pound loudly instructing them to come to the door. Still no answer. Then the officer walked to their front window which is directly under ours and talked into the opened crack saying he could hear them inside and "she" needed to come to the window so he could make sure she was alright or he would have to break down the door. Nothing.

The officer called for backup and police dogs. Then he came back up our apartment and asked the same questions and clarifying details. We stuck to our story how yelling and slamming doors was normal but her sobbing for a good 20 minutes was unusual and very suspicions of domestic violence and we were simply worried and the reason we called. Back up arrived about 15 minutes later all the while the officer STILL pounding away threatening to break down the door if no one answered. The officer and sergeant talked to each other and dispatch for awhile and then there was more knocking blah blah blah and then a knock again on our door. The officer said he and his sergeant suspected they were home and they didn't want to break down the door since we didn't visually witness anything. I said, "I can assure you they are home since they only have one car and its still parked THERE and she was sobbing on the phone moments before you started knocking on their door!" But it didn't matter, we were instructed to call again if we hear any thing else worrisome and then they left a little after 1:15AM.

I was definitely freaked out during all this but once the police left without any resolution- I was WAY freaked out. Would there be retaliation? Was my family in danger? Tom reassured me all would be fine, we said a prayer and then fell asleep awhile after.

The next morning Tom left for work and I was worried to leave the place but I had a ton of stuff to do before my trip so I HAD to leave and when I did I found a note on my door. It said how dare we call the police on them just minutes after they had gotten home and how of all people our toddler is loud all the time and if we have a problem we should have come to them and how rude it was to call and have the police waking up all the neighbors...and how their lease is up at the end of the month and then we won't have to worry much longer. I was so taken back. #1. I knew they were home. #2. If you were so innocent why didn't you answer the knocking keeping up all your neighbors? #3. Probably the most unsettling was he zero acknowledgement of the whole reason we called the police. The note was/is in her handwriting, its way to girlie to be a guys'. I called Tom who was pretty unaltered by it and then I called Bek who reassured me that most wife beaters only ever attack their wives and rarely any one else- I mean it was slightly comforting I might not be taken down or worse little Ben!

Since then the only thing that has happened was while I was gone Tom said he walked by "him" in the stairwell at the very moment Tom was saying "How's it going?" He said, "Hi jerk!" Tom said he just kept walking. Being called a jerk is probably the nicest of all names to be called so who cares. lol

Anyway, Monday was a rush from one place to another. Tom got home from school around 10pm and helped me pack and get the computer, iPod, pull-in crap, etc together for me. I woke up at 6:30AM showered and Tom made me breakfast and got Ben up and changed before we left for the airport. I said goodbye at the long security line and Tom took Ben to watch planes taking off and landing, he loved it.

I flew into Houston at 5:45PM and while trying to describe where I was standing outside of the baggage claim to co-workers picking me up whom we've never met we realized I was at a different airport then the one they were at. Long story short, I thought IAH was the big hub airport and so I flew into it, a good 45 mins north of the one they were at which was a good 20 mins from the hotels we were staying at. So I got a $87 taxi who drove me to my hotel where I quickly changed and then turned around to be picked up for my first over-night install.

Needless to say the week was rough. The company Adidas hired to do the physical installation was a joke. It became clear the first night the company had grossly under-estimated the large scale the whole thing was. Basically, there were several installs going on each night all throughout Texas and several each night for the next several weeks so the company simply did not have the man power they were suppose to soooo....they hired people off craigslist last minute and told them to show up at different Academy stores with a ladder and they have a few hours of work.

These installs were anything but easy. The palette of graphics and hardware all boxed up was as large as a 4-door cross-over. It was intense to say the least. Everything had to be up wrapped, assembled and then brought out to the floor to be assembled unto the existing fixtures. And all the while we the merchandisers were prepping the areas and fixing the merchandise. Doesn't sound like a big deal but the shortest FINISHED install lasted 9.25 hours- no breaks. I actually only used the bathroom once during any of the installs because I would sweat so much I didn't have any liquids left to expel. Then once the installs were finished I would write up the report first thing upon arriving back at the hotel- it took a good hour and fall asleep some time around 7-8am. The earliest I ever got to bed was 2am and that was because that install had been cancelled to NO installers showing up after hours being told they were 20 mins and 10 mins away and then " they say they're there now." I'd go outside look around, walk around the building, no one was EVER there.

The roughest night was Friday. I drove 3 hours to a place called College Station and met the creepy manager jerk-wod who complained the WHOLE time about everything, even his girlfriend and referred to her as a B****. My partner for that install was nice. A soft spoken black guy with hair enough for 3 women from Georgia- we talked about music and politics and all sorts of things, it kept moral high. He had to leave at 3am to catch his flight but he was weary about leaving me with the manager and I told him I felt fine, I still had the 2 installer guys there. Actually, every time I left the area we were all in to go start on the women's side or grab hardware or whatever he would follow me and try to chat me up and boast about nothing so I called Tom and kept him in my ear and just talked to him and once Mr. jerk realized I was talking to my love he would leave and go back to the guys STANDING AROUND DOING NOTHING because well he didn't have to do anything, it wasn't his job. Talking to Tom kept me motivated and positive, encouraging and mostly AWAKE. He wanted me to call me when I drove back to the hotel but I never did. I knew he tired himself so I popped in my iPod and sang as much as I could. By the time I got to the hotel and finished my reports it was 8am. I laid down and for the first time all week I heard my neighbors on the other side of the wall BLARING their tv. They MUST have been old people, no one needs the tv THAT loud! I laid there with pillows over my ears and after 20 mins it went silent and I was like OHHH thank you! Then...5....4...3...2...1...another tv went on but it was coming from the other neighboring wall. I gave up trying to sleep at all at 9am. I showered. By the way, isn't showering in a nice hotel just the best?! ENDLESS hot water, use as many towels as you want, free crappy soaps but who cares, its "free". I left the hotel at 11am. It was the most difficult of the whole trip just trying to get to the airport, drop off my rental, check in, wait to board at 3pm so I could pass out. I did and I did. =)

Texas: I understand Texas varies a lot. Houston was a big surprise to me. I thought Portland had traffic- nothing compared to Houston. I thought North Carolina had humidity- nothing compared to Houston. I thought Florida had a ton of big bugs- Houston's got them beat. I was so surprised how hot it was during the night. The first night I was there in was raining and at 2am (going outside and looking around for installers who weren't there) I swear it was hotter then than when I arrived 8 hours earlier. It was...fascinating! I liked Houston though! I liked that as hot and muggy as it is there is wind and its nice. Even though it smells I like the atmosphere and diversity. The BBQ is amazing, the people nice, drivers not so much but overall I wouldn't mind going back and actually SEEING the gulf and Houston during the day. Though I never got more than 4 hours of sleep each day I was so grateful for video chat and texting! And though I was away from my best friend for our anniversary I was SO glad for the much needed bonding time he and Ben got to spend together.

After traveling 10.5 hours I arrived in Portland to little Ben walking towards me with a rose saying Momma! And though he puked his guts out all over on the way home, being reunited was so sweet! Tom had dinner planned and made when we got home with a bouquet of flowers after 9pm and I slept about 15 hours Sunday.

I'm still fuzzy upstairs. Would I do it again? hmmm at present I'm too exhausted to answer. Maybe.

Wake Me Up When July Ends

So June came and went in a blink. Truly crazy. Lacey got married the 21st to her long-time boyfriend Ryan. She looked so pretty and happy! I had a VERY hard time coming to terms with my little sister getting married up to the wedding, through the wedding, during the reception, through that night when I kept waking up thinking "she's totally done 'IT' by now" but then an awesome thing happened. I woke up the next day and felt totally fine and I've felt fine since; you know, because Lacey getting married is ALL about me and how I'M dealing with it! ;)

Right now Tom is doing an overnighter with Apple and among many things that means one is I can't sleep without my buddy Nyquil drugging me up when he's gone but I can't Nyquil-it-up because of the heat wave going on right now. Ben really struggled last night; waking up 4 times and needing lots of sippy refills and comfort so me out of it is not an option tonight. I'm very grateful for the air conditioning window unit we have and abuse. It's not made to handle our bigger place but its SO much better than nothing! Heck it kept our place 20 degrees colder than outside so ya, I'm happy! 

I regrettably signed up to work in Houston for a week this month and I'm trying to be positive and look forward to it buttttt I'm not. I didn't know until after I confirmed I would go that the installs are all overnighter jobs UGH!!! Not cool. I'm a nervous-nelly about the whole thing:
#1. I've never been away from Ben for more than 8 hours so I'm worried about how he'll do and I'm worried I'm gonna be a mess without him.
#2. I get bad anxiety with unfamiliar surroundings ESPECIALLY when I'm by myself. I'll have my TomTom, I'll have my laptop and iPod and of course I'll have Tom ready on hand when I'm freaked out, bawling not knowing where or what I'm doing in 104, 000 degree heat with 1400% humidity and he'll walk me through turn by turn I'm sure! =)

I signed up to be apart of a massive install launch throughout the south and east coast 100% because I want SO badly to kill my Department of Ed loan as fast as possible! I'm still shooting for November but it will be a miracle- it means paying a grand a month from now until then not including paying half that more each month too on my private loans but we're working our hardest and we have absolutely, unquestionably felt and continually feel Heavenly Father's help and encouragement every day we push forward; its ONLY because of Him we have gotten where we are today!

June was kinda a weird month. I threw out my back due to stress and I had some set backs with my anxiety/depression. It's not something I talk about much. I know...ME? Not talk about something?! Ha but its true. I have a lot of embarrassment about it. I had a friend visit me about a month or so ago and she was saying how she got on an anti-depressant and was extremely happy and relieved to feel like her "normal self again." I really thought about that after she left and while I've been on meds for over a year I don't think I've felt like "me" in a long, long time. I went to my doctor right before my back went out and now I'm on a second prescription and it has helped take off the edge. I'm slower to get frustrated and feel like I'm gonna just explode like a hydrogen bomb. It's been at least a couple months since I've called Tom in a panicked, angry crying fit over the stresses of motherhood and distance I've felt from friends. I'm also suppose to make an appointment so see a "specialist" to help find the right combination of medications for me i.e. go lay down in a dark room and talk feelings for a good hour...I'm sure it will be good and helpful.

I have to say that while this delayed and then much prolonged postpartum has sucked immensely I am really grateful for the experience- I mean, I would love to have it taken away YESTERDAY but I'm thankful I've had the opportunity to understand what others go through and it's not worse than what it has been. I've also been reminded of the kindness of my friends and family. My sister-in-law Charity has been such a wonderful resource and has encouraged many times to call whenever "3am even" and I know she means it. And my best friends who have not thrown it back in my face how judgmental I had been about the subject for many years. And of course I'm in constant awe how wonderful my spouse is. I. COULD. NOT. be at the level of functioning without his faith and patience in and with me.

ps- I'll add more wedding photos as they come in

All of the Above

Oh gosh what a busy, tiresome last few weeks! Ahh. I don't even know where to begin so I'll go in the order its coming to me.

Lacey: Lacey is getting married next friday. That's a BIG "ahhhhhh". I, along with my excellent sister-in-law Aleece, threw her a bridal shower. There were a few things I wish I would have done better but overall SHE loved it and that's what I was going for! My biggest regret was NOT taking photos- what a dumdum! She looked so cute though! I got her a veil to wear and she never took it off, even way after the party was over she was princessing around in it, it was pretty cute =) 

My Hair: Well let this be a lesson for everyone but mostly me. Do NOT get impatient and decide to "just go get a cut" with Ben in toe!!!! I thought hmm maybe he'll be okay but at 6pm, dinner time, and getting close to his bedtime he was acting like a (almost) 2 yr old should be and while paying MORE attention to him knocking over fancy products on shelves the interpretation of "a cut, whatever feels unhealthy cut...2 inches? Ya that's fine, just do whatever you think would look good!" So it really IS my fault when I ended up getting my hair cut a length I haven't been since 2003. I don't have any pictures of it down. It's still shoulder length and layers higher in the back but I miss my hair! 

Ben: Ben got sick last Thursday and it went from not feeling good to a bad stomach virus. He didn't keep much down and it was very noticeable weight loss by the end. He was so cranky and unwell all during Lacey's bridal shower and he just waled all the way home and then screamed, SCREAMED for 2.5 hours, completely inconsolable. Didn't want to be held wouldn't let me put him down, didn't want anything. I almost took him to the ER but called the dr instead. I think I've mentioned this before, I have a fear when he's like this that he's having a kidney stone, they are very rare in children/infants but nonetheless I worry! I had taken him into the dr the day before who confirmed he had a bad spring virus but I think he was having growing pains on top of stomach pains. Poor little Ben. The worse part, HANDS DOWN, is he won't take medicine even under extreme force- like next to water-boarding force! Held down, mouth, cheeks pinched open, medicine poured in and whiling blowing on in his face so he takes a deep breath...but nope- he spits it out of will scream to the point of vomiting and then we have to do it all over again. I've laced his food with medicine...its helped but he knows his food is funky so he doesn't get a good dosage. Anyway, that all lasted till Tuesday just in time for my back to go out!

Back: I tried to keep still and reclined/horizontal as much as possible but that's kinda not realistic. There's meals to be made and cleaned up and diapers changed and stuff stuff stuff! There's never a clear-cut answer of what to do. Sometimes walking thru the pain until its better (visualize Forest Gump running with his braces until he could run straight) but sometimes walking makes it a LOT worse. What I do know is it usually happens when I'm very stressed out, and yes this was the case this time as well. It's like my body says, Okay that's IT, I'm taking over now because obviously YOU aren't listening! 

My progression was too slow, typical, so I gave in and got injections this afternoon. Tom met me at the dr.'s office and held Ben who was so tired and unhappy he wasn't home sleeping and was getting louder until he heard and saw me reacting to the painful treatment and then he went silent. I was a mess but it was worth it. I'm reclined now and Ben should be waking up soon and maybe we'll try going to the store? Other than the appt I haven't left the apartment since Monday. I know Ben's cabin-fevered too. 

Tom: Tom finished spring term on Thursday (yesterday) and did fantastically! It meant he came home at a decent hour and got to play with Ben! A couple months ago I saw a train table and drawers on craigslist for $20 and I totally thought it was a scam but it wasn't and I had Tom pick it up. These tables run for $$$ and this one is in excellent condition. Ben LOVES it. He will play with it for a couple hours a day. Pretty sure Tom loves it too. He enjoys engineering different railway systems and I enjoy them getting to spend time together! =) Also, the Elder's Quorum President was released 3 weeks or so ago so Tom's been acting E.Q.P. he feels bad because its not like he can really do too much for anyone during the week but he's been doing what he can and I'm proud of him. 

Ben: We took off the front of his crib and sleep has gone back to being interrupted. On average he wakes up once a night sometimes more, crying and it takes a little bit to get him calmed down again. Nightmares? Or just knowing the security of the walled crib is gone its scary? Whatever the reason I have him lay on my chest and I pat his back and rubs his legs- just incase its growing pains until I hear his breathing slowed and then I put him back to bed where he goes right back to sleep on his own. Its funny, I've tried to stay around and watch him go to sleep but he pushes my face away like- Mom, don't coddle me! So I leave and he conks out. Also, Ben's hasn't slept in our bed since he was a newborn. I'd wake up and nurse at the end of the bed or sometimes bring him to nurse while I laid there but he wouldn't sleep well and neither would I- I think we're all light sleepers and like our space! Except Tom, he's a cuddler, most of the time I love it and then I'm like- get on YOUR side or at least closer to the middle, I'm on the edge and hot and want space! :S Thank goodness men don't get all butt-hurt-feelings like women do! Lastly, I gave Ben a hair cut, a BIG hair cut! Again, 2 more people asked how old SHE was and I was like THAT'S IT! So I got out the clippers and did the deed and probably a little pay back for MY hair getting cut too short. The pictures on the bottom are not very good but its short and I have to say I think he's even more of a "pretty boy" than he was before! lol 

Dad and Ben playing with trains

Ben sat down to rest for a moment and just watched his dad =)

Ben playing with the iPod showing me up how he knows how to use it better then me

Ben a bit cranky

Ben sick day 3. Holding his sippy though didn't actually drink from it most days

"We Got a Gopher"

Well actually a climber. This isn't the first escape either. The first was back in January. I heard a thud from his room and then silence and then all of a sudden he was walking out from his room. I know it sounds funny but I was actually freaked out like I was seeing a ghost! Like WHATTT??? You are suppose to be in your crib NOT climbing out AND figuring how to open your door ALL in the same moment. I don't think I blinked for a few minutes. At the time he got a talking to and we went over how climbing out was a "no-no ouchy" and he got it. But now, he's figured out how to not make it such an ouchy though putting him is his crib as his time-out place might not work anymore!

I was just thinking, hmm its been a month since I blogged...so what's happened in the last month? Short answer, a ton of little things oh and some big things too. Details to come.

First, I feel like a jerk for not mentioning Lacey getting married before now. Honestly, I think its because I'm finally coming to terms. It has nothing to do with the groom and everything to do with how I see Lacey. Lacey is 9 yrs younger than me and thus I will always see her as a 4-7 year old. So as far as I'm concerned she's NOT allowed to have her period let alone get married and do...stuff. I'm ridiculous, I know.

Second, I've been trying to eat better lately. No that doesn't mean how most people mean "eating better." Like eating more vegetables and less donuts...(rolling my eyes to myself) It means being better at eating. Period. No I am not a closet anorexic. Mostly, I just don't make meals. Tom's only home for dinner once a week, TWICE maybbbeee once a month. Anyway, I've been terrible about BUYING food for me. It's just freakin expensive to buy for two ppl with 2 different diets. -Not that Tom is opposed to eating like me, its simply way cheaper to cook for ppl like him. Anyway- I haven't been starving myself out of martyrdom (some times sure) most of the time nothing sounds good and even sounds gross so I don't eat. I don't eat until I'm literally having a diabetic freak-out and Tom uses his "I'm taking charge" voice and brings me home a hamburger without buns whether or not I want to eat it. I feel like a have a few issues I need to figure out.

#1. Learn new recipes! Tom's urged me to sign up for a daily meal plan/grocery list thing that caters to any diet but when I've looked at examples I get turned off. Ginger....Cumin...Peanut sauce...NOT IN THIS MOUTH, Thank you very much! lol Really, I think I could still find some great recipes despite.

#2. I don't like eating my own food. Anyone else have this weird issue? Pretty sure this is all in my head! Once, years ago at Bek's I was visiting and we were talking about just that and we decided to make each other's sandwiches because we didn't like how ours normally tasted and sure enough- the same ingredients but different hands produced sandwiches we thought were the best ever! I still remember that turkey sandwich..."mmhmmm turkey sandwich aaarruuuggg" -Homer Simpson At the same time I was over at a friends house for dinner and I couldn't eat enough sugar-free jello! (Thank you Kristen =) I mean it was jello and I thought it was the best thing in the world. I've told Tom that when we are "rich" i.e., able to blow money like no biggy...so like when we're 115, I  REALLY want to eat out all the time! I KNOW I'd be getting awesome nutrition. Gosh just thinking about salad and soups and steak and more meat and more salad and YES I want extra Bleu Cheese dressing, thank you very much, please leave the bucket oh and I need a refill! (By then it will only be water, I'll have kicked my diet dp addiction....fine I won't lie no I wouldn't have).

#3. Drinking water- still working on it- stop pushing me people! lol It's annoying but I'm pushing myself. I've had 2 glasses today, that's 1 more than I usually drink in 2 days!

Benny-Booper: He's awesome and better than ever. He has these surges of testosterone throughout the day, right after his nap and again from 4-bedtime where he is in destruction mode, ramming his toys into the walls into each other. I'm actually afraid he's going to break the sliding glass door b/c he gets so rough. I don't mind his moments of male-ness I just worry about him going thru GLASS! Little Super Man.
It's fun to go into nursery after I finish singing time in primary to do singing time in nursery. Ben loves the songs. There's one that makes him laugh and laugh but I can't sing it anymore because it makes another little boy cry- its a silly alligator song where the alligator eats monkeys who are teasing him. hmm maybe it is disturbing. haha it's not meant to be scary and I think I extra like it because monkeys die- I don't like monkeys.

Tom: Tom is Tom! I was talking to someone the other day and they said oh did you get to go on a date then? And I was like ah no? The last time we went on a date was dinner for my birthday- if Ben was with us does that count as a date? Otherwise our last date was in November. Our anniversary is coming up so we'll do something just us. At the moment I feel okay about the loneliness but for now I'm letting my meds do there purpose! Anyway- he's enjoying a much easier semester and doing fantastically. He's perfect. I'm sorry to be gushy-annoying, he's not only perfect for me but I really hope I don't die young (for many reasons) but mostly he'd be snatched up so fast. He's the whole package. Biggest Attribute HAS the Patience of a SAINT ESPECIALLY during the wrath of a pms-ing woman. Biggest Fault -loves watching James Bond (once a semester).

This was my Mother's Day gift! We got home from church at normal time 2:45pm and Ben would not go down he was overly tired and throwing a massive fit so I put him on my lap and turned on my other M. Day gift (season 1 of Call the Midwife) Ben calmed down immediately and fall asleep. That was the first time he fell asleep in my arms since he was a newborn =)

Okay laugh all you want. Ben LOVES Call the Midwife. I'm pretty sure its because he likes the accents and I wonder if he thinks Thomas the Train is going to come on because there are english accents on that show? Whatever the reason he'll sit and watch it for 5 minutes solid.

Benny-Boo with dad. Ben had woken up so I kept him up until Tom got home so they could see each other twice that day.

Okay I look terrible in this photo- I'd just finished an episode of Call the Midwife so naturally I cried and was gross but come on look at that chunky smile of Ben's! AHHH DORABLE!

Family time at 10pm